I only have cancer

“I only have cancer at the hospital.”

This is a documentary on childhood or pediatric terminal illness, specifically cancer. The purpose is to give parents and others a look into this most difficult event and that there was truly a lot of love, joy and laughter along the way.

We met in October, before Halloween. Scott was tiny but full of more energy than should have been allowed. The previous summer, Scott had banged his leg on the toy box while playing with little brother Jimmy. The injury remained swollen for several months. Scott was sent to a specialist for x-rays. The swelling was not a bruise; it was cancer, in his leg and in his lungs. It riddled his body. Here are a few images from the project.

As my time with the family came to a close and with their son slowly dieing, the parents asked me to pull the project from publication.

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(Click on any image to begin slide show)

"Photos of your son you will never bore your friends with. How will I feel when I look back at these pictures years from now? Will I have the courage to look?"
Mark Simms, Scott's father

"As a mother, I still have to do what I have to do. I can't give them everything they want. I'd like to give Scott everything, but I can't. They've lost a lot. Their innocence is gone, both Michael and Scott." Jenny Simms

"I think it would be one thing for him to survive the cancer and die four or five years later. But to die while going through the treatment... man, the guilt would eat me up." Mark Simms

"I see a dad in shock and Scott too tired for life in general. This is a sad picture." Jenny Simms

"I lost both my boys to cancer. [Do you feel robbed?] Yes." Jenny Simms

"For me, it's been too easy. I keep looking around at other kids and what they go through. I keep waiting for the ball to drop." Jenny Simms, Scott's mother

Radiation treatment.

" Scott and IV. Never ending. Redundant. Will he forgive me? Will I forgive myself? Which chemical caused it?" Mark Simms

Each time you go to the school, there are things kids his age are doing that he is not able to do. It's like robbing him of his childhood." Mark Simms

"Jenny, my wife. The compassion of a woman is so great. She carried Scott for nine months. She never worries about the bills; that is my job." Mark Simms "That's what it's like, being all alone. I'm annoyed at this disruption in my life." Jenny Simms

"I see Scott with both his security and his burden." Jenny Simms
"IV at The Park. The struggle continues... Michael's and Scott's childhood is lost. Our pleasure as parents is lost. I HATE GOD." Mark Simms

"Can you smell the chemo in the room? Can you smell it? I can smell it on me even though I washed my hands numerous times. I can smell it in the air, it jus lingers. It gets on the back of your throat..." Mark Simms

Waiting for Santa. Scott, alone with his thoughts.

Visiting Santa. Post-event emotions. Robert Mueller Airport. "You just don't know what is going to happen." Mark Simms

Chasing the virus, twenty-three times in one day. Would the virus kill Scott before the cancer did?

"Other kids not making it brings you down, reiterates what can happen to you, what can happen to you in a heartbeat, too." Mark Simms

Seventh birthday, at home.

"It's kind of getting back to normal even though it's never the normal that we had before all this started." Mark Simms

In February, two years after we met, Scott died.

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